How to Become Immortal

How+to+Become+Immortal

Alana Pasion

As usual the time has come for this mortal, as it does for all mortals. However, this one has proven to be quite different than the rest. So different that the realms can’t seem to decide who will get them. Heaven, Hell and even the rift between known as Purgatory don’t want any part in taking in this mortal. The god who oversees Purgatory has become impatient with the neverending bantering as they’re the one who was tasked with overlooking the mortal’s soul. 

“What do you suggest we do?” Heaven asks.

“I don’t know, figure it out. All I know is that this little devil of a mortal needs is to leave my realm before I go insane.” Purgatory states with an exasperated sigh.

Without blinking an eye Hell quickly states, “Well I don’t want them either.” 

A moment’s pause fans out between the realms. 

“This is an issue,” they all sigh.

“A mortal soul can only last so long in Purgatory before we have to decide where it ends up, it’s either we decide now while we can think or in a day’s time where we all have to scramble.” says Heaven’s melancholic voice. 

All of the realms sit there, contemplating the placement of this soul, a feat which hasn’t been attained by any single person before. Seconds turn into minutes while all of the gods debate on what to move forward with. That is until Hell comes up with a brilliant plan.

“Aha! I got it,” they say with a snap of their fingers. “Just don’t send them to any of us.”

Hell leans back in their chair, a smug grin on their face as if they just spoke of the divine truth to solve all their problems. Heaven, on the other hand, only gawks at them. 

“Wha- are you suggesting we reincarnate them?”

“Yep.” 

“You are insane.”

“Naturally.”

“Alright moving on,” Purgatory interjects, knowing that the two can bicker for eternity. “It’s a plausible idea, we won’t get them so therefore we won’t need to deal with them. The mortal world can handle that one.”

“Precisely! See aren’t I a genius?” Hell exclaims boisterously.

“In this situation I’m forced to agree,” sighs Heaven. “However, what do we do when the mortal dies again? After all, it’s an inevitable fate. Unless you are suggesting that every time they die, they get reincarnated again into the mortal world?”

“Wow aren’t you on a roll today, eh, Heaven?” laughs Hell.

Ignoring Hell’s remark, Heaven turns towards Purgatory, “It’s a sound idea and I’m not against it. What do you think?”

“I think it’s our best option.”

“All in favor of reincarnating the mortal?”

“Aye,” the realms say in agreement. 

+++

Going back to the mortal in question, they’ve just been sent back to the mortal world. Since they were reincarnated, they retained no memories of being held in Purgatory nor do they remember much of their life before. As they grow up all is seemingly going well, they show no inclination to whatever thoughts and ideals they held before. It’s as if they’ve truly been reincarnated into a completely different life. The realms all breath a sigh of relief at this and continue doing their duties without the worry of that mortal hanging on their shoulders. They almost think to just let the soul bind itself to one of them completely until they start showing subtle signs of their previous life. Heaven, being the worrywart, sends them back to the mortal world when they die. 

This cycle continues for centuries; however, every time the mortal reincarnates they gain more and more of their previous self, their first self. Until one more reincarnation matches perfectly with that of their first life, same thoughts, same memories, same everything. They remember being held in Purgatory that first life, they remember being sent back to the mortal world continuously, they remember and they’ve come to a conclusion. What’s life without a little excitement? Bothering the gods with your presence is pretty exciting. And so, they continue living by this as if it were a mantra. They do stupid things to garner the attention of the gods, they’ve also come to notice that when they’re near death the gods pull a few strings and make it so that they don’t die. It’s clear that the gods want to draw out their peaceful times as long as possible. When they die, instead of ending up in Purgatory for a couple of days only to be sent back later, they end up in front of the gates of realms. Well more specifically, the gates to the conference room of the gods. 

The guards lead them to a chair that faces all of the realm gods. When they sit, all eyes are on them; however, they could care less and smirk delightedly when they all collectively sigh.

“We have seen that you remember your lives, yes?” Heaven states, leaning back in their chair while crossing their arms.

“Yep, I remember everything. So why boot me out and send me back to Earth? I’m a bit offended, I won’t lie.” The haughty mortal says.

“Simple we just didn’t want to deal with you,” Hell says. “At all. So we forced you to reincarnate so as to avoid you.”

“Oh? And why is that? Have I done something wrong?” They say knowing full well  the answer.

“Yes, exist.” Purgatory sighs defeatedly.

“What a shame.” 

“Indeed. So we’ve brought you here today to discuss how we all shall move forward.”

The mortal looks at them, motioning for them to continue.

“Either you change your spiteful ways or we’ll continue making you reincarnate.”

“No leeway, huh? Hmmm, well I am who I am, so no.”

“No?” a look of shock passes over the face of Purgatory who turns to Heaven and Hell. “What do I do? They said no.”

“How should I know? If I got paid for this job I’d say it’s above my pay grade right now.” Hell states.

“I’m lost, I give up. Send them back.” Heaven says.

“Well mortal looks like you’re going back to the mortal world. Have fun.” Purgatory says before motioning them away.

It’s the last thing the mortal hears before waking up in the mortal world once more. 

“God!” they exclaim in defeat. “They didn’t even bother resetting it completely! They’ll have to let me in at some point right?”

And so they continue their schemes to anger the gods. The cycle repeats, they die, and get sent back almost instantly. They die, and get sent back to the conference room where they always answer “no” to the same question. They always wake up in the same, young body, with the same memories and thoughts. It’s almost as if they’re immortal and yet still mortal. They die again and get sent back to the room once more, at this point they know the guards by name. 

“Please tell me you’ve changed your answer?”

“Hmm,” they ponder for a moment. “No.”

“Darn.”

“You really thought that was gonna work, Purgatory?” Hell chides.

“Not really.”

“Well what should we do? I’m tiring of this looping cycle. I can’t even get grey hairs but I feel like I’ve aged a thousand years.”

“Can I make an offer?” The mortal questions, eyes glinting.

“Yes, go ahead.” Heaven sighs dejectedly.

“If you can force me to reincarnate then I assume you can also make me immortal?”

The realms stare at this mortal as if they’ve grown a second head. A moment passes where no one says anything, just simply staring at this mortal. 

“Well?”

“Well I’m not that opposed to it. But at this point I give up with the whole reincarnations thing, let’s just do it.” Heaven says looking over at the other realms for approval.

“We’re really going to grant the fella immortality, huh? I’m here for it.” Hell says with a shrug of their shoulders.

“I agree, it’s our best option since reincarnating them has failed tremendously.” Purgatory nods.

“Alright, mortal, you’ve gained your approval.” Heaven sighs tiredly. “Now please leave us alone.”

“Yes! Oh please as if I’d do that. We’re practically buddies at this point!”

The only thing the realms can do is sigh dejectedly knowing that this isn’t over just yet.